Being Real

My single friend, Dave, & I were chatting about his most recent date experience. He felt absolutely no chemistry with the girl he was on the date with & he realized something interesting.

Dave said that when he is really attracted to someone, then he begins to get nervous, becomes self conscious, worried that she won't like him, concerned about being accepted, attractive, etc.

On the other hand, when he meets a gal who he isn't interested in, he is completely free to be himself, talk about anything that comes to mind, express himself in an uncensored fashion, not being at least concerned about the outcome of the meeting.

I can honestly say I have noticed a similar pattern with myself. Which makes me wonder, why are we free to be our real selves when we have no attachment to the outcome & if we have an attachment to the outcome (like wanting a relationship with the person) why do we feel the desire to try to fit into the mold of what others want; even if it means sacrificing who we are?

Of course, being real & showing all aspects of ourselves simultaneously when we are becoming acquainted with someone may not be the best avenue to take. I mean, as Dave said it, if you were selling your house, you certainly wouldn't bring people in & show them all the broken things first & then expect people to stick around to see the good things, right?

So, how do we find that balance between being real & over exposing ourselves to new people?

When I'm on the personals, reading the profiles, rarely do I find someone who says, "I am bipolar" or "I have a personality disorder" - but I have actually come across profiles that have said exactly that. Yes, these people are being real & honest, but most people would run from their profiles, unless they were mental health professionals looking for new clients.

Why does it seem easier to be 'real' with friends & not lovers? Why can we tolerate vices in our friends that drive us mad in a romantic relationship? Are we expecting more from someone else than we, ourselves, provide; or do we take whomever comes along because our standards are not high enough?

It makes sense that it takes time to get to know someone, even if we've felt we've known them for 1000 years the first moment we met. After all, getting to know someone on a deep, intimate level includes knowing about their strengths & weaknesses; good & bad experiences; joys & sorrows; and about their mental, emotional & spiritual state of being, including patterns, blockages & karmic relationships.

I think being real means having the courage & ability to be honest about yourself with someone else, regardless of the outcome. Sure, we don't always want to spill our deep, dark secrets or fears until we feel comfortable & safe enough with someone. But we don't necessarily feel the need to hide, either.

If we are hiding aspects of ourselves that are important to us, hoping that once someone knows us well enough, they will understand or accept us anyway - we aren't necessarily doing ourselves (or them) a favor. If you are totally anti-violence & the other person reenacts wars for fun, you might not want to try to convert them to your passivism just as you wouldn't necessarily want to convert to their sporting conquests.

I suppose we all hope on some level to be able to improve & better ourselves & others through influence; but it is important for us to recognize our motivation. Are we hoping someone else will change so we can be more compatible? Are we trying to change ourselves so we can be accepted? If so, we need to ask ourselves, are we really being honest with ourselves & honoring our needs & desires?

Being real means being real enough with ourselves to know when someone is better off with another person, no matter how much we may desire them. Being real means loving ourselves enough to express ourselves in a fashion that is true to our nature, whether or not it scares someone away.

So what did Dave do on his date? He didn't want to hurt the girls feelings, so he offered to exchange numbers. She said she didn't sense any chemistry & he concurred. He was off the hook because both he & his date were real with each other.

Remember to be your-real-self. Eventually, you will find that it is one of the most liberating things you can do for yourself.

For real!

Dating & The Right Fit

My friend, D. & I have been talking about relationships a lot lately. We have a lot in common in this department, we are both in our 30's, metaphysical, have limited dating experience, & desire to have a deep, spiritual & physical connection with someone.

It's interesting how the same patterns keep repeating... the gals he dates think he's 'too nice' because he respects them & doesn't want to jump their bones on the first date & hence, they don't seem to sense a 'love connection'.

On the other hand, the guys I've met (mostly online since I am more of a chicken when it comes to actually meeting in physical reality) tend to think I'm too metaphysical & have unusual interests & philosophies that would prevent me from being their ideal partner for a significant relationship; yet they still want to explore my sexuality.

While reviewing & comparing our experiences, D. & I try to understand relationships, emotions, compatibility & our own strengths & weaknesses in the relationship department. We encourage & motivate each other to continue to pursue our happiness with another human being who we can be ourselves with while continuing on our paths of self improvement & spiritual evolvement.

I once heard that men need to have sex to feel love & women need to feel love to have sex. Wow, what a contradiction. Just like men are in their sexual prime in their late teens or early 20's & women in their 30's. Just exactly how does all of this make sense?

By the time a man is emotionally mature enough to fulfill a woman on a deeper level, he is usually past his 30's, when his physical performance tends to suffer & his hair is thinning. By the time a woman has embraced her sexuality & risen above society's rules & sexual taboos, she has some wrinkles, stretch marks & unperky breasts (unless they've been surgically altered).

It makes sense that wisdom comes with age & that an older person can impart much relationship wisdom to a younger counterpart, but it's usually the younger generations who are still so caught up in the physical that they don't want to consider consorting with an old(er) person.

It's like God gave us youth so we can squander it on senseless, mindless activities & then gave us wisdom so we can realize how stupid we've been wasting time in so many negative relationships because we were so caught up in the physical & mental aspects to pay attention to the emotional & spiritual components of relating to the opposite sex.

D. had a good analogy he gave to someone after they excused him from future dates, he said, "If someone gives you a gift & you never open it, you will never know what's inside." I really liked his perspective.

We are both believers in the powers of transformation & change; & that everyone has the capacity to become better human beings, so sometimes we get caught up in the "they would be perfect if only they blah blah blah..."

And then we often hold onto relationships because we hope & pray that something or someone will change or reach their full potential. But it's also important for us to recognize that the other person may be perfectly happy with their situation or their lifestyle or with the relationship's status quo.

So, ultimately, while every person is a beautiful gift from God & holds the key to an untapped well of inspiration & love, it's not so much about the gift or it's potential. What if the gift is a pair of shoes & they simply don't fit? They can be the most wonderful shoes, but if they don't fit, they don't fit.

I recently met a very nice, attractive guy who basically thinks I'm very unusual (but not too weird, as he complimented me after our 1st meeting) & has been honest enough to share that he doesn't feel we are compatible for a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship - but he was still interested in hanging out, having fun & (bingo!) having sex.

I guess the bottom line is he wants a more traditional woman & I want a more spiritual, creative man. So, we could become friends with 'benefits', but I've decided I want to be available when the 'right' man comes along - not trying to extracate myself from an illegitamate friendship.

If that person we are pining over is wonderful in so many ways, but we want them to alter themselves to suit us (or vice versa) we need to realize something important.

If the shoe fits, wear it. If it doesn't, then give it away to someone else. There is no sense in pinching your toes or cramping your style. It's not about the shape, the size or the style. It's all about the right fit.

Meeting People

Why does it seem so difficult to meet new, interesting people?

And how do people meet outside of work, school or hobbies?

Seems like almost everyone is on the personals now, everyone except the interesting people I am interested in meeting...

And what about those friendship/networking sites, Fropper, MySpace, Ryze, Care2, etc.? Yes, I have 'met' some interesting folks, who I share similar interestes with, spread all across the country & world. I am not against virtual friendships, but you know, they are so 'virtual'.

What about the old fashioned aspect of spending time with another human being in real time, in real life?

A friend of mine shelled out like $1500 to join a dating club called "It's Just Lunch", then he pays for the dates, flowers, etc., another $30 - $50 each. And so far, he is still single.

Maybe we could all wear some identifying badge or something that would say, "I am shy, please introduce yourself to me" or "I'm single & looking if you are single & sexy" or "New friends wanted" or "Vacancy - apply within."

When I go to social functions, I am generally too shy to go up to people & introduce myself. And what if those interesting people I see across the room are just as shy as I am? I don't want to hold my breath hoping they will get the courage to come over.

If I do get the courage to introduce myself to someone new, just what exactly do I say? I mean, telling someone they seem interesting enough to cause a reserved person like myself to approach them uninvited would be honest - but would it be well received?

Hmmmm... We'll see once I try it out.

Heart Opening Experiences

Have you ever wondered why we feel certain emotions in our heart & chest areas? This is known as the heart chakra (one of seven primary energy centers in the body). One of the greatest challenges about love, is to keep our hearts open to love, to giving & receiving unconditional love.

When we "choose" to love someone, we are giving ourselves & desiring that the love energies will be reciprocated, but this is not always the case. Have you ever noticed how animals & children seem to love joyfully, endlessly & unconditionally, but that teenagers & adults have more difficulty expressing & feeling love?

And why is it harder to love after we've been hurt or rejected by someone else - even though the current person we are interested or involved with had nothing to do with our past experiences?

It truly is a challenge to love like we've never been hurt before. When I feel those familiar feelings, those pangs in my heart chakra, it is important for me to connect with myself & try to understand what is happening on a deep level.

This is what I have learned... Love is energy, truly the most powerful energy in existence. When love energies are activated within us, our heart chakras begin to become very active. In order to send & receive love, our heart chakras need to be open, the more open & clear they are, the more love we can send & be open to receiving.

But, here is the dilema: When we experience painful love or disappointing love or unrequited love, we have a tendency to try to protect our hearts, our feelings, our egos & we begin closing, restricting, punishing our heart centers.

How many people do you know that have forsaken love, given it up, locked up their hearts & thrown away the key? Are these people happy? Are they a pleasure to spend time with? Do you feel sad or depressed when you are in their company? Does it appear to you that they have moved out of their hearts & into their minds, pretending & fooling themselves into thinking they are happy?

When we restrict the energy flowing into & out of our heart chakras,we also hold onto the painful love experiences that were stored inour hearts, because we closed the door & trapped them inside.

So in essence, we have become prisoners who are slowing beingpoisoned from the inside out by the very same people & experiences we chose to protect ourselves from. Many addictive & self destructive behaviors are triggered by the poisonous energies we have stored within ourselves.

We are actually trying to self medicate & find an outlet for the festering material wreaking havoc within us, but have inadvertantly chosen a labyrinth with no exit. Then, when someone who piques our love interest happens along, ourhearts begin to open, the energy centers in our chakras become moreactive & we begin to send (& hopefully receive) love energies.

But there is a catch: if old, stale, stagnant, negative love experiences & energies have been stored in our heart, they need tobe cleaned out to make room for fresh, vibrant, new love energies.

So whenever I begin to feel unusual or unpleasant feelings in my heart area, I find it is important & beneficial to focus on releasing any negative experiences or impressions or feelings.

Since energy follows intent, we do not have to be metaphysical or spirtual masters to clear our hearts. Here are some very simple techniques:

1. Recognize that every person, every Soul, every heart, wants to give & receive love. It is a large part of why we are here on this earth to begin with.

2. Decide to release any negative love experiences, forgive ourselves & others for these negative experiences & recognize them as opportunities for Soul growth.

3. Realize that the mind & the heart are often disconnected & are at odds with each other. When we become more centered within ourselves, our minds & hearts feel safe enough to be honest with each other, thereby assisting in their abilities to share love with somone who is beneficial for us.

Every person can benefit from opening & clearing their heart energies, even if they are in loving relationships. It is amazing that our hearts have an unlimited capacity to love & they do not like to be restricted to loving just one person.

Ultimately, one of the greatest challenges is to love everyone -our family, friends, neighbors, enemies, even. On a more advanced Soul level, I know that I love everyone & everything in existence; but to incorporate this Soul love to a physical love is something that I am just not prepared to do in this lifetime. Fortunately, more advanced Souls like Jesus have demonstrated this for us.

So, for now, I'll just focus on clearing & cleaning my heart chakra, forgiving myself & others for any unpleasant or negative love experiences. I know that by listening to my newly cleansed heart, I will be guided to postive love experiences that are better than I ever imagined would be possible in physical reality.

When I began writing this, my heart chakra was in a state of imbalance, I felt pressure on my chest, a heaviness that needed to be released & expressed. By focusing on myself & my feelings, by recognizing & releasing my fears of unrequited love & traumas of my heart; by sharing this with you, I have cleansed my heart & I feel much lighter, happier & balanced.

This is not to say that the process is complete, or will ever be complete, because as we traverse the uncharted waters we call Life, we are bound to have many more love experiences that test our hearts again & again.

Cleaning our hearts is more important than cleaning our homes, most people don't like a filthy house, so why should we be living with dirty hearts?

Now is a perfect time to do some Spring cleaning!

Indian Music, Lost in Translation

Some things are lost in translation between one language &another, between one culture & another, betweeen one mind & another...

But some things need no translation because they sound so good, itdoesn't matter what the words or definitions are, because theysimply feel wonderful...

I love Indian music & listen to it more than mainstream American music. But there's one little problem...

I have no clue what is being said in an Indian song I initiallydiscover... maybe it's a blessing, because I am not judging a song by the lyrics at all, just the sound & it's effect on my feelings & emotions, & how it inspires my body to dance uninhibited & uncontrollably like a whirling dervish.

Once I am attracted to a song, I try to determine what movie it originated from, so I can then look up the translated lyrics & sometimes I am even moved to try to learn the song in Hindi (without murdering the song with my mispronunciations, eeek!)

The music also leads me to discovering & watching new movies. I have certainly progressed since I first discovered Bollywood music in the summer of 2003... I had no clue about Bollywood, but I had stopped into an Indian grocery for the 1st time & purchased some Indian music CDs & DVDs. I was in love at first play!

Not realizing that the names listed in the song credits were names of movies, not of the actual musicians, I went back to the Indian groceries asking them for songs by (what I thought were)the "musicians" names, for instance, KKKK (Khabi Kushi Khabi Gham)or Supari - not realizing the titles were the names of the movies they came from...

I got some really strange looks, until they figured out I was asking for movie titles, not actual musicians or 'KKK' musicians... They were probably thinking, "Crazy Gori!" (white girl, for those of you who don't know Hindi.)

Sometimes we enter into another culture & make total fools of ourselves in our eagerness to absorb all we can; but I have enjoyed laughing at myself & my innocent, ignorant blunders while many things have been lost in translation...

I am also trying to learn my guru's bhajans (songs of devotion, for those of you unfamiliar) sometimes singing is like torture because I feel like my mouth is full of marbles & peanut butter; that I am pronouncing everything wrong, embarrassing myself & worried that I am ruining the sacredness of the songs...

I recall the story of my caucasion American friend, Padma, who was once asked to lead a song for thousands of people attending one of our guruji's functions... Sri Swamiji began giggling as Padma sang the song & afterwards he told her that she sang a song about milking a BULL (a male cow)! After she told me that, I worried less about the specific words ofthe bhajans & I focus more on the intentions of my heart while singing them.

Every now & then, I'll fall in love with a song & I can't wait to find out what the lyrics are & the meaning behind the music that is massaging it's way into my heart… "Oh, this has got to be a really inspirational song about love," I often think.

Right now, I am in love with a song from Monsoon Wedding, Chunari Chunari… I finally looked up the lyrics & found out it is a song about a red scarf, how a woman dyed it red, how she wears it & how it affects a man who is interested in her. OK, not a typical romance song, "oh baby, I love your red scarf, your red scarf…" but how innocent, really.. I mean, if this was an American song, it just might be about a ladies red panties, red panties. I definitely like the scarf better, leaves more to the imagination...

Another time, I became attracted to a music video, Mera Kajal… I saw this lady getting ready for a date with her beloved… loved the scenes, the music, the singer's voice… I thought it was about love, romance, etc. When I called my Indian friend, Romi & asked him for the meaning of the song title, he said, "My eye mascara." "What?! A crummy commercial for eye makeup!", I thought. I was disappointed since I usually think most Indian music lyrics are very poetic & inspirational. But I still like this song by Falguni Pathak.

I often wish I could just download a language straight into my consciousness, like in the Matrix. But on the other hand, I might miss out on the comedic experiences of being lost in translation...

Self Confidence & Self Esteem

I need to boost my
Self confidence & self esteem,
Which have been shaken recently,
By the death of a fantasy
I had created unbeknownst to me
Until the bubble burst
Now my heart hurts
I need to boost my
Self confidence & self esteem
I must improve myself
And replace my feelings
Of inadequacy
With confidence & security
With the knowledge
That I am still attractive
Mentally, emotionally
Spiritually & physically
I need to boost my
Self confidence & self esteem
Because I let someone
Shake my reality
I don't know why I lost my
Self confidence & self esteem
I guess I am more fragile
Than I perceived...
I have increased my
Self confidence & self esteem
I am working more diligently
At improving all aspects of me
This is how I am boosting
My self confidence & self esteem
Now I am appreciative
That I questioned
My self confidence & self esteem
Thank you for your contribution
To my inner reflection & self questioning
My self confidence & self esteem
Are improving rapidly!

Spring Has Sprung!

I stood in my 2nd story
Apartment kitchen,
Looking out the window
At the grey & brown
Landscape below me.
I thought I heard
The sound of spring,
So I surveyed
The nearby trees,
The budding magnolia
Right outside my window,
Always filling me
With hope & expectancy
As her fuzzy buds swell
With anticipation of spring
Like the bosoms
Of a mother expecting.
It was a cold day,
So much for the forecast,
It was a grey Wednesday
Morning & I was mourning
The loss of sunlight,
The bliss of a kiss
From Apollo, the Sun God.
In the moment I wished
For spring to thaw
Winter's icy grip,
I thought I heard it -
Mother Nature's chorus,
Singing life into
The hibernating habitat;
I stood at my window,
Looking past the cracked pane,
Scanning the skies, the trees,
The muddy earth below me,
And then, suddenly,
I saw a hurried flutter
Of brown & black wings
Colliding past my window pane..
And then I saw the sign at last,
A male Red Breasted Robin
Landed on the branch
Of a maple tree & sang to me
The song of spring;
Now the sepia earth
Will burst forth
In yellows & greens
And the air will be filled
With the soft scents of Spring
The robins are here!
Spring in near!
The robins are here!
I exclaim, I proclaim!
Spring has sprung at last!

The Woman You Want

I cannot be
The woman you want
I don’t have a domestic gene
I don’t like to cook or clean
Or do someone else’s laundry
I’ve done it for too long
For my partners & children
I’ve been a slave to marriage
I’ve been a maid for the wealthy
I love a clean, organized home
But I honestly hate to clean!
I just want to wave a magic wand
And have everything clean itself
In the blink of an eye,
And until I get that magic wand,
I would love for someone to
Clean & and do laundry for me!
I love healthy, tasty cuisine
But I honestly don’t like cooking
It is so scientific to me
Some women have
A cooking gene
In their DNA,
But not me!
I can cook only a few things
But most of the time
I’d rather eat something
Quick & easy
Just to end my hunger pains
So I don’t have to read a recipe
Or spend hours in the kitchen
Preparing food, then cleaning
I cannot be
The woman you want
I am already a parent
I never felt prepared
To have kids, & yet,
I’ve raised a daughter,
Two step sons,
Three foster children,
And a foreign exchange student
From Russia
Honestly, I’ve raised
Enough young ones
I love children,
But they are so much
Responsibility
Kids are more than
A joy or a job
But take a lifetime
Of commitment
Children always need their parents,
No matter how old they are
Now I am at a stage
Where the ‘kids’ are at an age
Where I can focus more on myself
My interests, talents & spirituality
All the things that were neglected
While I was dedicated
To raising young children
I cannot be
The woman you want
I don’t have the desire
Or need to get married
I was married twice
And I’ve learned a lot
From both marriages
But a ceremony, certificate
Or change of name
Do not create relationships
Or make them successful
Or make them last
I cannot promise to love
Honor & cherish someone
If that is not the way I feel
Promises of forever
Are rarely ever real
I would rather love
Unconditionally
Than to make promises
I might not be able
To fulfill or keep
I cannot be
The woman you want
I don’t know if I would move
To another state or country
I love to explore & travel
But I’ll be honest,
Sometimes the unknown
Worries & concerns me
Even while adventure
Beckons me
I’d love to travel,
And see the world
While I’m still young enough
But maybe I’m getting set
In my ways as I age
Do I really need
Stability if it keeps me
From expanding
Emotionally & creatively?
I know there’s no need
For me to be afraid
I don’t have to think about
The future or where I live
As long as I trust
That I am being guided
To where I’m meant to be
I cannot be
The woman you want
I’m not as strong
Or as intelligent
Or as beautiful
As you think me to be
I can take a long time
To make a decision
And then I’ll change
It like a breeze
And then you may think
I’m driving you crazy
But then I’ll make you
Go weak in the knees
And then you will know
What it means to be love crazy
And you will beg me
To drive you crazy
For eternity
I cannot be
The woman you want
I may look like a social butterfly
But I’m really not
I actually prefer staying home
It takes so much time
Getting ready to go out
And I can never figure out
What to wear, I worry
The fashion police
Will arrest me!
But fashion comes cheap
At Goodwill & the Salvation Army!
So if I go out, it has to be
Something very interesting
I don’t like idle chit chat
Or talking to someone
Who bores me to tears
I don’t like clubs
That are loud & smoky
I do like to dance
So that’s one thing
I enjoy doing out on the town
But I’d much rather
Make love to you, my dear
In the woods or by the sea
Close to nature
In the middle of the night
Serenaded by a gentle breeze
Blowing through the trees
As the moon watches over you & me
And we howl at the moon in delight!
I cannot be
The woman you want
Please don’t expect me
To entertain you
24 hours a day
I’m not afraid to be alone
I enjoy my freedom
And solitude
I need my time & space
So I may nurture my creativity
So I can write poetry
Paint & sing
I may not want or need you
As much as you do me
I am often lonely
Even when people
Surround me
Because they do not
Understand or relate to me
But then, on the other hand,
I may wake you
In the middle of the night
Because the moon is so
Beautiful & I want to share it
With you during midnight delight
I may be irresponsible
And drop everyone
And everything I am doing
Just to be with you
In the blink of an eye
Even if it means I have to fly
To be by your side
When my heart yearns
Or speaks to me,
I must pay attention
I want to experience the
Love that is meant for me
I’ve waited too many years
To ruin a beautiful
Friendship or relationship
Because of my fears
I am trying to live in the moment
Enjoying the journey
Drinking the Soma of your Soul
Looking forward to every contact
Each & every word is burned
Into my consciousness
While I become restless of waiting
To meet you
Excited yet afraid, too
That you will think me to be
Less than than your fantasy of me
That my pictures are better
Than my physical reality
So, please be gentle with me
My heart bruises easily
I don’t want to waste your time
If I’m not the woman you want
Can’t you see,

I will never lose my identity
I cannot be
The woman you want
I can only be

The woman I am

What Is Hunger?

My heart bleeds
For those in need
How can I say
That I know suffering
When I have experienced
More abundance
Than those starving
Have ever known
How can I say
I know what it feels like
To be hungry
How can we ensure
Not a single Soul
Suffers from hunger?
This I do not know
I can only pray
While the tears fall
One by one
Into the food I eat
As I thank God
For the food before me
I wonder what I can do
To help a starving person eat

The Wind

It's a sunny, cold day
In February
And the wind is blowing
Hard against
My bedroom window.
Sometimes I worry
That the wind
Will blow the old
Single paned window
Right out!
And then I will be
Covered in glass...
No, I try not to have
These negative thoughts,
So I redirect
My mind & energies.
And I pray!
I suppose
It is a perfect day
To fly a kite.
I think of all the power
The wind creates
And wish we could
Harness it to create
Earth friendly energy.
Or does that exist?
Is anything we do
On this Earth
Considered to be"Earth Friendly?"
Or is this what our egos
Imagine ourselves to be?
And so, the wind blows more
I wonder how pilots & birds
Manage to navigate safely
In such turbulance.
My window creaks & rattles.
I really hope
My roof stays on this time!
And yet, I love the wind,
I often wonder where it's been,
How many lives it has touched,
How many heads of hair massaged,
How many animals carressed,
I wonder how many cells float in the air,
How many bacterias & viruses live there,
I wonder what makes things
Float on air
And if we could
Color the wind,
What kind of art
Would be there?
I often wish
I was a bird
So I could fly, way up high
And feel the morning sun
Nourishing my pale white skin
As I imagine I am an
Airy Goddess
While I make love
To the Wind...

New Year, New Me

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

This year is going to be the year of Shakti Pat (according to psychic, Paul Meidinger.)

Last year was a whirlwind of adventure & meeting new people - including my favorite star, Abhishek Bachchan - three times!

I am not the person I was last year, but a new & improved version. I guess I never want to stay the same, but am always striving for more, trying to improve myself as I am on a journey of self discovery.

My health is gradually improving as I seek out alternative treatments, healing, modalities to heal my chronic fatigue syndrome, fibromyalgia, ovarian cysts, IBS, etc. I actually have an appointment today to see how my cysts are. I hope they are gone!

And yet, I am thankful for the illnesses I have, for they have been teachers who have taught me about important things in life, who led me to seek answers within & beyond myself, who led me to alternative healing.

I have realized that tradgedies & illnesses are not as bad as we think. That pain & sickness are messages that we need to do something, need to change something, need to take better care of ourselves, improve our environments, heal from previous tradgedies, align ourselves with our Life's purpose.

While I frequently become impatient with myself & my own healing process, I am also reminded that it is important to take time for myself, to slow down, to introspect, to take one day, one person, one moment at a time.

I plan to live at least until I am 100, so I have plenty of time to pace myself. Will I look back & wish I had done more, or will I wish that I had enjoyed what I was doing as I did it?

Will this blog or my writings last forever, or will they crumble & fade with time, lost to progress, technology & within the memories of those who no longer exist? And does it really matter if I don't create a legacy for my daughter, for my potential future grandchildren?

I know it's important that I continue to write, to inspire others even when inspiration fails me, to make my mark on this earth even if the elements themselves erase or erode the messages over time.

But for now, the message is clear: Love is what matters most, love yourself, love your neighbor, love your enemy, love Mother Earth, love the Universe, love our creator.

LOVE, LOVE, LOVE! PYAR! PYAR! PYAR!

I love myself & I love that it's a new year & I love the new me!

Bombay Jen

TiTTea Party & Recipe

The "Psycho Psychic" & the "Mad Cackler" cordially invite you to their first TiTTea Party!

When:

The TiTTea party will commence when you arrive. Provide us with a list of your availability dates. Bring your TiTTea ingredients (water & pot provided)

Where:

The first suitable location that we agree upon. My place is a possibility. Paul's is not. What about yours?

Who:

Only friends that we all agree should be there.

BYOT:

Bring your own tit, or someone who has consented to provide theirs to assist in the creation of TiTTea.

Recipe for TiTTea:

1. favorite tea (natural/organic)
2. favorite tit (or you can use your own)
3. favorite sweetening ingredient (natural/organic)
4. favorite magical ingredient (aphrodesiac,entheogen,etc.)
5. spring, distilled or pelvic bowl water
6. ceramic or stainless steel cooking pot (no aluminum!) Smoking varieties are also acceptable.
7. optional: organic, nut or breast milk for creaminess

TiTTea Directions:

1. combine ingredients in cooking pot
2. heat combination to boiling point that rises to edge of pot
3. reduce heat & repeat # 2 twice
4. during steps 2 & 3, squeeze your selected tit while focusing on infusing love into the tea
5. ladle TiTTea into mug
6. sip TiTTea & fondle tit simultaneously, focus on consuming & sharing pyar

* warning: don't spill the hot TiTTea

Suggestion:

TiTTea is best when consumed under the mistletoe, on a bed or in the snow

So when's the tea party?

;) The Mad Cackler

Prayers for Amitabh Bachchan!

Often, I ponder the effect of our presence on this earth, in this Universe. Especially when it comes to prayer & positive, loving thoughts, energy & actions.

I am imagining our Mother Earth, as she looks from outer space: a multicolored planet floating against a black backdrop. Yet, as I take a closer look, light begins to emanate from the planet, like fireworks going off in all different directions.

These energy fireworks represent, in my visualization, the prayers that are now being said; the loving thoughts & kind actions & words that are being expressed for a very special man in India.

I shall continue to include my very own thoughts & prayers for Amitabh Bachchan & his loved ones & care givers; so that Mr. Bachchan may continue to heal as quickly & completely as possible & they may have the courage, strength & wisdom to assist Amitabh Bachchan during his time of need.

With Blessings, Light & Love,

BombayJen

The Fair Weathered Shopper

The alarm went off at 3:30 am today. I stumbled across the room to turn it off. I've learned that it is too easy to turn an alarm off & then fall into a deep sleep immediately after. If I have to get up & walk across the room, then I usually stand a better chance of waking up at the desired time.

Anyway, it was cold out, it was dark out, everyone else was still sleeping. Getting up this early is crazy, I thought. Getting a cheap laptop is just not worth it, stumbling around in the freezing dark cold, waiting in lines outside of store(s) like I am desperate to spend my money. No thanks!

I decided to get up at 6 am, then call the stores to see if they still had the laptops available - Best Buy & WalMart. Then I got back into bed & fell into a cozy, warm sleep under my goosedown comforter with European flannel duvet cover.

The alarm went off at 6 am. I called the stores. They were both sold out, minutes after the sales began at 5 am. The prices at both places were $378 - $379, what a steal! Evidently everyone within a 50 mile radius thought so, too! The super WalMart in Union Township, PA, only had 14 laptops available! What a marketing ploy!

To think of all those poor people who braved the freezing cold weather, lost sleep, stood in line, only to be told they missed out! I was glad I stayed at home, but dissapointed for Amber, the intended recipient of an el cheapo laptop.

I broke the bad news to Amber & told her that we'll have to save up more money or wait for another sale; minus the marketing ploys that only hardened, experienced, dedicated semi professional shoppers can take advantage of.

"I'm sorry, Amber, I am not a hard core shopper" I said as I patted her back & gave her an apologetic look.

"Me either, Ma, I'm going back to bed" she said.

BombayJen

Happy Thanksgiving!

HAPPY THANKSGIVING to YOU!

Brrr! It's a cold, white, windy Thanksgiving day here today! It sounds like the wind will blow the house in!

The bushes & trees scrape the side of the house like they are trying to get in from out of the cold. And I wonder what all the wild animals do, what they eat, how they stay warm in this frigid tundra! It's 12 degrees Farenheit, don't know how to do all that fancy scientific mathematical conversion into celsius, sorry!

I know I am blessed in so very many ways & I am truly thankful for all that I have, all that I am, everything I have learned in this journey we call LIFE.

I hope you are having a wonderful day with loved ones; a bounty of delicious food; great music & movies; lots of laughter & joy!

Stay warm!

Gobble! Gobble! Gobble!

BombayJen

Paul-isms

My friend, Paul says:

"I am Some body!"

"Just show me the UFO."

"Everything I think, do or say around here is in a blog or instant message or website or something!"

"Jen is such a good writer, if I burp, she can make it sound exciting!"

"Jen is the 'love guru', if you want to know about love, just ask Jen."

"If we could harness Jen's raw talent, it would 'Jen-erate' more power than the Hoover Dam!"

:) I have a great friend, thanks, Paul!

BombayJen

Overcoming Writer's Block

Well, I've had writer's block lately, so I am writing this to overcome it. I recall the wise words that I received in response to an interview question I posed to Manan Katohora. I asked him how he overcomes writer's block. He said,

"Write something else."

Sometimes, I want to write indefinately, as I am flooded with thoughts, words, feelings, etc. & would like to share them with the world. I feel like I could write about hundreds of things, but have to consider what is worth it or most important, etc. since I obviously can't write about everything.

I am a bit concerned sometimes about how others will perceive what I write, but I suppose that is par for the course while I embrace free thought, creative expression, freedom of expression, etc.

Actually, for years, no one read my blogs - not even ME! Ha ha ha! Now I write with an audience. Hmm, not bad, just different. Kinda' like going to a nudist colony!

I remind myself that it doesn't matter what others think of me, as long as I am being true to myself. If someone doesn't like me, that is okay. I don't like everyone I meet, either - but on a spiritual level, I am sure I love them, since we are all connected, related, interconnected on some level(s).

I am still at a loss about how to write about my Swamiji experiences, having written only a little & feeling a bit embarrassed at how little I've written about such an advanced Soul who has touched my life in such a profound way. Words simply fall short, perhaps this is why I don't use them.

I've been cleaning my apartment, focusing on my messy room. I'm embarrassed but fortunately, don't have many guests. I still had to finish unpacking from my trips to NYC. Still recovering from a cold. I've been sick w/ flu & cold since I returned from NY. I don't really miss it anymore!

Have I written enough now?

BombayJen

Heart to Heart with Bombay Jen

Sunday, 16 October 2005
Sabira Lakhani
Desi Match Publications

When I was first handed a business card with a picture of a Caucasian lady known as Bombay Jen, I was shocked and perhaps even a bit confused.

She definitely looked American, with no hint of Indian in her and apparently she was extremely talented. It seemed as if she could do everything! This business card had instigated a burning curiosity within me.

When I sat down to speak with her, I found that this lady was fascinating. She had an unusual mindset, a kind heart, and an attractive aura. She made me comfortable and we continued our conversation even beyond words as if we had known each other for ages. I found her and her story to be intriguing and inspiring.

Name - Jennifer Susan
Nicknames- Bombay Jen, the White Indian, Jen, Jenny
Birth Location- Washington, D. C.

I understand that you have had a rough childhood. How has that affected who you are today and what you do for a living?

Well my childhood prepared me for my life mission, but the thing is I am still discovering my life mission. Spiritually I want to accomplish something and I know I need to find what I am meant to accomplish. But, I have discovered that whatever my life mission is, it would definitely involve sharing the Indian culture and bringing cross culture awareness into the western world.

I mean I have a basic ballpark idea of what I want to do, which is teaching and healing and helping other people. I simply am asking God and universe to provide to me with whatever I need to do what I need to accomplish. And I think the experiences I had in my childhood have really just been a preparation and a foundation for this.

What inspired you to do what you do today? Like being an artist, dancer, tarot card reader, etc? That’s a lot for one person.

I’m a Jane of many trades. I can do lots of things but I’m not a master at any of them. Diversity is a part of who I am. I’m following my heart and using my intuition as well as using guidance from prayer.††I am being who I am and doing what I love to do. That is my inspiration. I know it’s different than what other people do. I am me and if people accept me, that’s great. If they don’t than that’s fine too.

I have always felt drawn to Indian dance and belly dance. When I dance, I create a fusion of various cultures. I allow energy and music to flow through my body.

Regarding the Tarot cards, if someone wants me to do it, I’ll do it! I’ve read up on it thoroughly. But basically what I don’t like about tarot is that there are a lot of scary cards. My philosophy is if I want to help someone, I don’t want to scare them! They are just a tool. I have the intention to help people so I ask the universe to use me and Tarot cards as a guide to help this person.

So what kind of healer are you exactly? What do you do?

Basically I’ve recently been trained in Reiki, which is a commonly known as energy healing. I think people have a natural ability of healing. If you allow energy to flow through you to someone else, we could all be healers.

When I was younger, I remember if someone was hurt and I would have the intention that their pain would go away, it did! I used to be amazed and felt very satisfied. And I didn’t even realize it was energy healing. So now I am interested in various types of energy healing.

Where did "Bombay Jen" come from?

It was name given to me in about 1990. A friend and I were hanging out. He was the creative type and we wrote poetry together. And that one afternoon, we were sitting together and all of a sudden he just looked at me and said “Bombay Jen!”

At that time I was not involved with Indian community at all. After a few years I was looking for a penname for my collective poetry and writing and then I remembered “Bombay Jen!” It was perfect for what I looking for.

How were you first introduced to the Indian culture?

I was actually raised by hippies and my mom was single. My first memory of connecting with the Indian culture was in Washington D.C. when my mom became a Hare Krishna. I loved going to the temple and I loved sitting and meditating and chanting. The feeling of affection and worship was so amazing.

Then my mom was invited to live with an Indian family. I think they were Sikh because they wore turbans and that astounded me! I thought their culture was so awesome and I loved living with them. I loved the community feeling.

You know the women would cook and laugh and chat in the kitchen. I remember I was the one they always gave the chapaatis to, so I could put them on a plate, and that made me feel special, appreciated, and not neglected, you know. The children and elderly in the Indian community are cherished and respected, which was unlike whatever I had experienced before.

And you still haven’t visited India?

No I am waiting for the right opportunity to go. I know I’m going to go but I don’t know when! Even though I’ve read so much about India and even though I feel a connection with it, it is definitely not the same as actually being there and experiencing it. 

I Like You: A Zany Video

Here is a fun little video of me & my famous side kick, Paul, as we practice recording with my video camera.

Hopefully I can figure out how to add it to my blog, but just in case it doesn't work, here is the link to I Like You.

Hope you enjoy!

WARNING: Beware of barking dog!

BombayJen

Response to Letters to Celebrities

Someone recently wrote to me in response to my Letters to Celebrities post. They had some interesting, thought provoking points, which caused me to clarify a few things.

Their response to my post is as follows:

I may not be a celebrity, and I may not be tall, handsome, and young, but my soul is connected to the universal consciousness, which I am aware of more than most.

My heart is one of compassion and loving-kindness, and I am conscious-aware of my relationship w all creation, and yet, you do not deem me worthy to continue our conversation, which has lapsed into nothingness.

Thus, I ask....."will the REAL Bombayjen please stand up? Please stand up! Please stand up!"

What is real is real, and what is fantasy is an illusion.

Where would you prefer to be....to be.....to be.....!!!!

Peace be w you

(identity withheld for privacy)

.........................................................................................................................................................................

My response:

This is the REAL BombayJen. If my destiny is creativity, then communicating & collaborating with creative people I admire is a very important process for me. I am definately where I want to be, on the brink of discovery.

What is the difference between a celebrity I admire & myself? Not much, other than the fact that they are doing what they want to do & I am still in the process of becoming who I am destined to become, combining my creativity with my spirituality, inspiring & motivating others, etc.

Maybe it would benefit you to have a better understanding about who the REAL BombayJen is & her connection with Abhishek Bachchan, the Indian culture, Swamiji, etc. Perhaps you may consider reading a poem I wrote, When One Door Closes for some clarity.

You tell me you want to share things with me, but then you wait for me to encourage you, almost as if you are using bait to get me to respond. If you want to share, just share. You invite me to come to spiritual discussions with your friends, but you have yet to send me details about the meetings, when, where, etc.

I honestly have many emails to respond to & I try to prioritize them based upon my connection with someone, the ability to collaborate with them, etc.

Sometimes it takes me months to respond to someone. I do not usually write to someone until I can give their email the time & attention it deserves & unless I want to, meaning that I do not respond just because someone writes to me.

I have to be motivated, inspired to write to someone. I don't expect people to write to me just because I have written to them. I want someone to write to me because they want to. This is why I respect the fact that some people never write back to me.

I've written to you because of our Swamiji connection, not because of a unique connection that I perceive between you & I. Obviously, we are all connected on some level, all connected to the Universal consciousness, but some are more aware of their connection than others.

Just because someone is not consciously aware of the same things that you & I are, does not make them less than worthy to communicate with. Maybe they are the ones who need our attention the most....

The real BombayJen has no need to stand up & part of my goal in life is to create reality from my fantasies.

Namaste,

BombayJen

Letters to Celebrities

"The first time I ever wrote to a celebrity was when I was a kid in middle school. Our assignment was to write a letter to someone who we didn't already know.

I don't think it ever occurred to me at that point that people actually wrote letters to people they did not know.

But I was very excited about the project, since I selected my favorite author, Walter Farley, creator of the Black Stallion books.

So I poured my heart out about how much I loved Walter's books, how much they meant to me, how I would love to meet him some day & I thanked him for writing the Black Stallion books (which he began in High School, sooo inspiring!)

I was really looking forward to a response from Mr. Farley, imagining how the man who wrote those books I loved would actually write something personal to ME.

I had done well on the assignment, thankfully, I wasn't graded on whether or not I got a response. But the grade was no longer important to me - it was the response that was.

Maybe it was this very assignment that taught me how to write to people who I admire.

After a long while, I forgot about the letter. And then one day, I received a letter in the mail. The last name on the return address was Farley! My hands shook with excitement as I ripped open the envelope!

And then my heart sank!

It was not a letter from Walter Farley, it was a letter from his son. The letter said that his father had died & he thanked me for my kind letter.

I was shocked! How could it be that this person who I admired so much, who created a world that I loved, a stallion that I fantasized about, how was it possible that he was actually dead?!

I thought about it in great length. I knew in my heart that Walter Farley would never die. Not in my heart, not in my memories, not in his books, not ever. Walter Farley will live forever.

In high school, I forgot about writing to celebrities. Instead I wrote love letters & poems to guys I was in love with.

I usually never got any responses. I was frequently in love with someone who didn't know I existed. Maybe I was just practicing back then for the more important writing I would do as an adult.

Now I again find myself writing letters & poems; still pouring my heart out to people who I admire, celebrities like Walter Farley. Some write back. Others never do.

Perhaps it is my unabashed emotions & excitement that catch people off guard. Perhaps they don't know how to respond. Perhaps they have too many people to write to, or don't like to write. Perhaps they just think I'm whacky.

Ideally, everyone I write to would write me in return, if only to acknowledge my existence, or the heart I wore on my sleeve as I penned the words meant for them or even if it's only to tell me they think I am whacky - but hopefully not!

After school & unrequited love experiences, I took a hiatus from writing letters to those I admire. Well, actually, I practically stopped writing altogether for many years.

So, was my creativity interconnected with all those poems & letters I had written previously, dampened due to a lack of responses; or was it due to the fact I was not in a creatively conducive state of mind or environment? All of the above, methinks.

I have come to realize a few things through these writing experiences. If we are moved to write, we should. If we are inspired to share our thoughts & feelings, we should. If we are instruments to share emotions to uplift & inspire others, we should. If we don't get the responses we want or desire, should we stop writing? WE SHOULD NOT!

Writing comes not only from within us: from our hearts, Souls & emotions - but also from beyond us - from an other-worldy dimension that always appreciates what we write. The more we write, the more inspired we are to write, the more this other world encourages us to write.

If we are writing from within & without, for the sheer pleasure of sharing ourselves & other existences & dimensions with the world, we can never go wrong. Our writing will never be dependant upon a response (although they are always appreciated).

Interestingly enough, last year, some unusual things began to happen to me. Celebrities began writing to me! And not in response to personal letters I had written them, some of these creative individuals, I had never even heard of before!

And you know something funny, each time an inspiring, creative person writes to me, I am kinda' in a state of shock, then surprise, then wonder, then joy, then... Well I am still sorting all this out actually!

Sometimes, I am so nervous, excited, overjoyed, etc. that I somehow forget how to write! It is almost as if we want something, but aren't quite prepared for it when it finally comes. Or maybe I am intimidated by the person's success, accomplishements, etc. that I feel like a little nobody, as my insecurities surface & I begin wrangling my thoughts, emotions, etc.

And now I have a celebrity-letter-writing boon: I have Abhishek Bachchan's email address!

But now I have a dilema! I have NO idea what to write!

My friends are encouraging me to write to Abhishek immediately:

"Did you write to him yet?"

"No, I don't know what to say."

"Did you compose a rough draft yet?"

"No. If he doesn't write me back, then I'll feel rejected."

"Are you waiting 'til he goes back to India?"

"Ha ha ha ha ha! Maybe!"

I want to write a letter from the heart without making him feel uncomfortable, I want to write without needing a response, I want to share our commonalities & my desire to know him personally, but will such a letter fall on deaf ears or blind eyes, I wonder...

Is it worth the energy & effort if I do write, or the regret if I don't?

Many years ago, I wanted to write to Princess Diana, because I admired her so much. But I thought it would be virtually impossible to get the letter to her due to her status. If it did reach her, would it make a positive impression or impact & would she ever write back?

I allowed the potential diffidulties & my own insecurities to overrule my desire to write to Princess Diana. She died soon thereafter. Now I wish I had written that letter to her.

Despite my current celebrity letter writing dilema, I know I will never stop writing, sharing, composing. I will never stop loving the smell of print on paper or the feel of pages turning. I will never stop loving the feeling of someone writing to me, directly from their heart. Or curling up in bed with a great book. Or the joy of sharing myself with others through printed words.

And one thing is certain. Through my writing, I will never die.

I will live forever in the hearts, Souls & memories of my admirers. Hoping, knowing that my brief escapade on this earth was not wasted. And Walter Farley & I will ride the Black Stallion in the skies!

Well, I guess I need to write a letter to someone... Wish me luck!

BombayJen

Ugly, Stupid & Poor

I used to be ugly, stupid & poor.

I was a welfare child with low self esteem, who struggled in school with a learning disability & was frequently ridiculed by her peers.

One day as I was riding on the bus to school, I began brushing my tangly hair, which had become wind blown by the warm breezes coming through the windows.

One girl named Melanie, who was basically a very moody & controlling upper class upperclassman declared to me & the entire bus:

"Give it up. You will always be an ugly pauper. Don't even try."

Then she turned & laughed & her followers laughed, too.

I could see pain in some of their eyes, conveying they were afraid to disagree with her but were sensitive to my embarrassment.

I hated that people could not express their unhappiness with her painful words & I couldn't comprehend Melanie's philosophy behind making someone feel horrible about themselves.

MY DAY DREAMS

My eyes dropped to the floor
I wanted to disappear
I looked out the window
And began imagining a better world,
A world where everyone loved each other,
Where there was no poverty or teasing or fear
A peacful, loving world where
I could ride my imaginary horse anywhere,
Even to school where I would
Look like a goddess
Riding on prancing Pegasus,
Surrounded by Gods & Angels
Who taught me how to forgive
So I would give everyone a ride
Upon my magic steed
And Even Melanie
Would be nice to me
My day dreams
Would release me
From reality
My day dreams
Gave me the ability
To create what I wanted
If only in my dreams
But my daydreams
Didn't last long
Before they manifested
As I predicted
Into a powerful tool
My day dreams
Are the playthings
Of my mind
Do you care to step inside
And day dream with me?


I think back to Melanie & other tormentors & realize a few things. Melanie was actually suffering, trying to obtain power & energy from me.

Most people don't really mean the mean things they say, they just don't know how to communicate effectively & honestly.

I've learned a lot of things from these & similar experiences. I also know that not everyone is really as they seem. We are all so much more than first impressions or casual interactions suggest.

A great movie that combines this knowledge with metaphysical, scientific, spiritual, psychic input is called:

"What the Bleep Do We Know?"

Anyway, for years, I had incorporated various negative beliefs about myself into my very image & personality. So I basically evolved into someone I believed I was vs. the person that I was naturally.

Once this realization sunk in, I began telling myself I was intelligent, beautiful & wealthy. Sometimes it was hard, I would look into my own eyes in the mirror & try to convince myself that I actually believe these postive statements about myself.

It was more than acting, it was believing & accepting that what I was saying was truth - when I sometimes wanted to believe it was all a lie.

Now, I can look at myself & believe in wonderful, positive aspects of myself, even though sometimes it seems all like a dream.

I used to be ugly, stupid & poor - - until I changed my mind.


BombayJen

High Heels & Thongs

I pulled up to KMart to pick-up Amber from her shopping extravaganza, prompted by the allowance burning a hole in her pocket.

She happily hops in as the Salvation Army bell ringer stands in the cold jingle-jangling his bell & the young Toys for Tots lady chats on her cell phone while wearing fake reindeer antlers on her head.

"Oh, what a cute doggie!" she oozes into her phone as she smiles & Loki wags his tail at her.

"Hey, give those people some money," I say to Amber, fumbling around in the console of my Jeep for loose change.

"I already gave" she replied.

"OH, good for you, Amber!" I felt good to know Amber thought of sharing on her own.

"I got some facial products, some tank tops, some jewelry, some highheels & thongs" Amber breathed airly from her 'Mart" spending spree.

"Highheels?" I questioned, raising my left eyebrow. I know I've told Amber a hundred times that heels are bad for her back.

"They are about an inch, Mom. I kept them small since I know you don't like high heels."

"Well, they aren't healthy" I said.

"And thongs?" I queried, amused.

We laughed together. The thong debate abounded in our conversations.

They look good, they feel horrible. Who wants butt floss pinching between their legs for vanity? I don't even like flossing my teeth, now why would I want to floss my netherlands??

"What women do for beauty" I said.

"Yeah, they do it for fashion, for MEN!!" exclaims Amber, wise for her 17 years.

"I think whoever invented high heels & thongs should be - well, I shouldn't say, really. "

And what about my own convictions? Do I stick to them, trading fashion for comfort, or do I say one thing & do another?

Well, yes, I have both high heels & thongs in my wardrobe. But why? I still haven't figured it out. I'm not a very fashionable person, I admit. I see these fashion & style shows on TV & think I am so behind in the times. Sic the fashion-police on me!

Flannel pajamas & fleece sweats feel great to me, but would I prance around town in them? Maybe. You'd be surprised what I'd wear. I often find myself asking myself why I am wearing what I am. But so be it. Yet another story for another day.

I own high heels, but rarely wear them. And it's usually for a very short period of time. I don't go out much. Funny thing is, though, no matter how long I wear them, they do have a negative effect on my back, almost like it has suddenly become inbalanced. And I usually end up with a sore neck & back.

But aren't fashion & men soo important? (I guess, smile.) You never know when you might meet "Mr. Right", right?? And those heels make the legs look great, well, at least better.

I do have some thongs, I am still conducting research on them. Supposedly there is a method to this madness. Even Amber's hip grandmother is wearing them!

So I buy them real cheap to make sure I'm not investing in something I may abandon quickly. I think I found one semi-comfortable pair of thongs to wear. Maybe.

Most just pinch me endlessly, like I have a lobster in my pants. Ouch! Then I have to constantly adjust my sitting position to avoid the noid that is clamping my clam! Ouch!

Thongs are just great, aren't they?

"How many men wear thongs?" I wonder. "Or would wear thongs? "

Yes, I do believe men are much smarter when it comes to fashion vs. comfort. There are just some boundaries men won't cross.

I think it's a rare man who would wear high heels & thongs, but God bless him if he does!

BombayJen

Jenny Wren & the Angel Behind Her Shoulder

Sometime during the grey, cold, wintery early spring of 2002, I decided to attend a group meditation at The Open Mind bookstore in Sewickley, Pennsylvania.

I was experiencing multiple difficulties in my life & felt that I needed to re-connect with myself, my spirituality & my metaphysical path; which I had basically negelected due to the challenges of being in an emotionally draining & spiritually unaccepting relationship over the past several years.

I needed guidance & direction in my life, hoping that I could infer some important messages from my meditation experience & connecting with other open minded, metaphysical beings in a supportive & comforting environment.

I prayed for a sign that I was on the right path in my life. But I knew if I asked for a sign, it would help me identify it if it was specific. So I asked to be shown a childhood nickname, a name that only my Mom knew me by:

"Jenny Wren"

I remember it was very cold out, that icy winter wind just whipping everything. It would have been easier & cozier to stay home instead of drive to The Open Mind that night, but somehow I managed it. I felt strongly that I must go, instead of giving in & staying home as I had frequently in the past.

I arrived in the meditation room a few minutes early, still enough time to get a comfortable seat. I walked into the warm glow of the room & noticed a pale, grey haired man with pale eyes looking at me from across the room. Or was he looking past me? Or through me?

As I sat on a soft couch, trying to keep abut 17" of personal space between me & the other 2 people I sat between, I noticed the older man looking at me. I'd look at him, he'd look at the floor. This happened repeatedly. I knew he must be shy. But why wasn't he looking at other people so much or in the same surprised way.

"Maybe he is a carpet layer or something," I thought.

The group meditation began with a guided meditation by Angel Communicator, Doreen Virtue, Ph.D. I was unfamiliar with Doreen at the time, so it was my first experience listening to her speak on tape. The meditation was beautiful & profound, it was:

"Healing with the Angels."

At one point in the meditation, we were guided to imagine our Angels giving us a gift. Instantly, I was watching the image of a luminscent, flowing, glowing Angel holding an orb of golden-white light & handing it to me as we stood on some kind of beach near a large body of water.

I remembered wondering what the light was, what it represented & what I was suppose to do with it. And then the image disappeared & I was thrust into my usual meditation visual: the black void.

Floating in inky black space was not exactly my idea of a meditating-great-time. I wanted to have more profound spiritual experiences instead of flitting around in black nothingness. I have since learned that some consider this state of meditation & visualization to be advanced since the phase of mind chatter, self talk, etc. has been transcended.

Whichever way I meditate, I realize it is beneficial for me, so I don't concern myself nowadays with the method of meditation. But that's another story.

At the conclusion of the meditation, our host shuffled some Doreen Virtue Angel cards & fanned them out so each person could select a card for additional guidance. I was unfamiliar with these cards & had never seen them before. I was excited about selecting my card & prayed for a sign that I could understand to present itself in the card I chose.

As I drew my card, I again noticed the grey haired man staring at me from across the room. But my thoughts were suddenly drawn back from across the room to the card I held in my hand.

There before my very eyes was a beautiful painting of an Angel standing before a body of water, holding a golden-white ball of light!

Then, the mysterious man from across the room approached me, as if he were suddenly filled with courage & confidence.

"Did you know there is an Angel standing behind your right shoulder?" he said.

I recall a smile radiating from me as the man, now known as my friend Paul, began to tell me about my Angel companion & protector.

Paul has since become my friend, teacher, guide, mentor, psychic, motivator, chauffer, herbalist, nutricianist, masseause, healer, & creative collaborator.

It turns out Paul & I are Soul Mates & have shared past lives together. He is usually too shy to meet many people, but he was receiving pressure & encouragement from his Angels & guides to talk to me about my Angel that night. Now we joke around about his comment being a great psychic pick-up line!

As I drove home that cold night, I thought of meeting Paul; the Angel behind my shoulder; the Angel image in my meditation; the Angel painting on the card I selected...

"Three Angel images & representations in the course of a few hours?! Surely, this must be a sign!"

Just then, a small, compact late model car driving beside me changed lanes & pulled in front of me. The car's license plate distracted me from my thoughts. It was a specialty plate. It read:

"JENYREN"

BombayJen

Lord Hanuman in New York City

I was visiting New York City last month & had brought some of Sri Swamiji 's music CDs & DVDs, as well as brochures about my Guruji to share with others.

I considered part of my trip to be a mission of sorts, to spread awareness & knowledge of Sri Ganapathi Sachchidananda Swamiji; especially to the creative community, including individuals from Bollywood.

I asked for Sri Swamiji's blessings during my travels & felt as though he was assisting me every step of the way.

I didn't have any ideas or plans of how I would get Swamiji's material into the hands of the right people - open minded & receptive - since so many people in this day & age feel uncomfortable discussing spiritual or religious interests &beliefs.

I just trusted that if it was important to share the gifts, it would simply happen, naturally, casually, effortlessly. And so it did.

Most of the time, as I gave the transformational items to people, I was thoughtless & speechless, almost like standing before Sri Swamiji himself.

I was embarrased & continually wondered at my inadequacies with spoken words at these oportune moments. I wanted to be witty & charming, hoping to impress upon these people a positive image.

But are spoken words even necessary at a time like this? Perhaps it is more important for the energies to envelope us with the unconditional love we desire to share with others, without the distractions of words & thoughts.

While in New York City, I found myself unexpectedly invited to a South Asian Journalist function which was focusing on the Indo-Caribean diaspora. The journalist who was my host, was Aseem Chhabra, writer for www.rediff.com & India Abroad.

At the SAJA event, a group of "experts" on different aspects of the Indian-Caribean culture & lifestyle comprised the panel to discuss their area of expertise or specialty.

One person on the panel was a photographer named Preston Merchant,who has traveled throughtout India & other countries, studying & photographing the Indian culture & communities.

As I sat & watched Preston's photo slide show presentation, my thoughts strayed to various situations, my recent travels & adventures & why I thought I was maybe a little crazy to be traveling so far at my own expense to be a background actor in a Bollywood movie & to disperse Swamiji packages to celebrities in New York City, but happy to do so anyway...

And then I saw Lord Hanuman standing tall before my eyes! The photo slide show captured my attention & brought me back to the Indo-Caribean function. There, in Preston's Indo-Caribean slide show, was Lord Hanuman from Sri Ganapathi Sachchidananda Swamiji's ashram in Trinidad!

I strongly felt that the photo of Lord Hanuman was a sign or message that Sri Swamiji was guiding, protecting, assisting me as I had requested.

On Oct. 31st, Aseem wrote about our evening experiences after the SAJA event. Aseem even mentions Sri Swamiji in the article.

I don't know whether Aseem has listened to Sri Swamiji's music yet, but he was excited to know that Sri Swamiji was playing with Dr. Subramaniam! I know he will love it!

I don't know everything Lord Hanuman represents, but I know his energy was very much present with Sri Swamiji's during my travels in New York City.

Thank you Lord Hanuman!
Thank you Sri Swamiji!


Lalita BombayJen

Chocolate Lovers Test

So you think you are a true blue chocolate lover, eh?

Well here is a little test I have for you to try - eat some unsweetened baking chocolate.

If you like it, you are a true chocolate lover.

If you don't, then you are really a sweet freak.

If you melt it & mix in a little natural sweetener like maple syrup, then you have chocolate creativity.

Yes, I am eating some unsweetened baker's chocolate as I type this.

Do I miss the creamy taste of milk chocolate? Yes.

Is baker's chocolate healthier for me? Yes.

You know, they say chocolate massages are very healthy, great for our skin, etc. Guess I need to try one of those next!

And the best part, I can lick myself clean afterwards, yum yum!

No, but seriously, I don't think I am a chocolate lover. Just an avid cacao appreciator!

BombayJen

Uncle Paul

My friend, Paul, & I were driving to the gym we had recently joined. I think it's great having friends & family going to the same gym so we can all encourage & motivate each other.

So, anyway, as we are driving, I am thinking about the fact that Paul & I spend a lot of time together & go lots of places together & it is usually misunderstood (by people who do not know us) that we are a couple.

So I think about all the attractive guys at this gym & I hatch a little scenario in my playful mind & say to Paul:

"Hey, if I meet any guys, I am going to tell them you are my uncle so they won't think we are a couple, ok?"

Paul grits his teeth & says:

"If you tell them that, I will tell them about the wild incestuous sex we had last night."

I was shocked!

"I thought you didn't like lies," I said.

"Some lies are worth it," he smiled.

"UNCLE!"

You win, "Uncle Paul!"

BombayJen

Good Will Hunting

Good Will Hunting is an excellent movie!

I was impressed by the fact that Matt Damon & Ben Affleck wrote the movie, then starred in it.

The movie touches upon so many depths of human emotions & experiences: loss, failure, brilliance, discovery, understanding, empathy, defiance, love, frustration, aceptance & closure.

Although the movie seemed very long, the detail in which it presented itself was inspiring. I could really relate to the feelings & emotions that the actors were expressing.

This movie is enlightening, uplifting, complex & simplistic; but the most important aspect is that it demonstrates we all have untapped abilities & power, it's just a matter of whether or not we choose to discover & employ them.

07.22.99

BombayJen

Saved by Angels

As long as I can remember, I have always believed in Angels.

As a child, I loved "make believe" stories about Angels, Fairies, & other "fantasy" based themes; but was dissappointed that most people didn't actually believe that they were real.

Once when my Mom & I were traveling in our Volkswagen camper in a mountainous region, driving around twisting, turning, steep roads, she hit a slippery section of the road & began to slide out of control.

As we slid towards the sheer cliff along the road, we braced ourselves for the worst. Everything happened so fast, I can't quite recall what thoughts ran through my mind & whether I prayed or not.

I think I just closed my eyes from the terrifyingly dizzying experience of careening towards the sheer cliff, probably wondering what it might be like to die.

Suddenly, the VW came to an abrupt halt. As I opened my eyes, I expected to be dangling over the side of the mountain; however, my Mom & I were greeted with an unexpected view: we were safely in the middle of the road - facing the exact opposite direction!

Keep in mind that the road we were traveling on was a typical narrow, two lane mountaintop twister. We were in a long, Volkswagen van with a pop up camper, not a VW bug. I doubt there are any physical explanations that could solve this equation.

My Mom & I were both quite shaken by the experience. We just sat in the middle of the road, our minds boggled with this mysterious riddle. She asked me if I had seen what had happened, I said that I had closed my eyes since I was scared. She had too.

Then my Mom said, "Jenny, our guardian Angels just saved us."

I had always believed in Angels, but I knew that not all adults did. And if some grown-ups knew that a child believed in such "fantasies", they would spend an inordinate amount of time explaining that they were just pretend. So I usually kept my beliefs to myself.

"You mean there really are Angels?" I asked my Mom, surprised to find a grown up who believed in these non-imaginary friends, who I had often sensed & communicated with.

"Oh yes, I believe in Angels. They just saved our lives," my Mom affirmed.

I agreed with her. That was the only explanation that felt right to me.

We had been miraculously saved by Angels!

BombayJen

Confessions of the Financially & Numerically Challenged

I'll be the first to confess that I am financially & numerically challenged.

I'm taking a break from paying bills & balancing my bank accounts, something which I loathe to do.

I've read that there is an emotional component to all this financial stuff & I can believe it!

I'm not good at math & don't remember numbers very well, so I use MS Money to balance my accounts.

I use automated online bill pay whenever possible, so I don't have to write checks or mail them; so I don't have to remember when to pay my bills since I don't even like opening my mail if it isn't a a check or a letter from a friend (which I rarely get anyway in this generation of email communications).

But even with everything so automated, I still don't like paying bills or balancing my accounts.

I'm not a very good candidate for running a business, am I?

Which is fine, since I have no desire or intention to go into business, either! Well, unless I have a partner who will take care of all the paperwork & financial aspects (or an accountant.)

When finances are tight, I am usually able to borrow small sums from the "Bank of Paul" (my best friend). But if I have to borrow from Peter to pay Paul, paying my bills is an even more traumatic experience than usual.

But what about the times that I DO have enough money to pay my bills?

I still avoid doing it because I don't like it.

But why don't I like it?

Is it because of my fear of a lack of abundance? That even though I have enough now, that I will continue to struggle financially in the future? As if this is just a"temporary bill pay success" only to be followed by overdue bills?

Is it because it brings back negative memories of disagreeing with prior partners about how things should be paid & what should be purchased?

Is it because I hate numbers & have no mathematical intelligence, but secretly wished I loved them & understood them?

Is it because I never had anyone teach me about money or accounts, no one that made it into a fun experience.

Hmmm, I do recall enjoying playing "bank" or "store" when I was a kid. I liked having fake money & spending it then. Maybe I just need some fake money, where I can spend whatever I like & the poor choices or decisions end when the "game" is over.

Is it simply because I don't think I have any financial sense, ya' know, no money saavy?

Is it because I want to be spending the money on other things besides the basic necesities - the things that I really desire vs. things that I need - the luxeries in life like: crystals, rocks, spiritual objects, classes, art supplies, travel, new clothing (vs. Goodwill or Salvation Army), home decor, ipod, music, books, etc.

Is it because I was teased as a welfare kid & told that I was a pauper & would always be one? Has this taunt permeated me & my belief system, only to haunt me forever?

Or am I just lazy & stubborn?

I guess I'm not that bad with my accounts, after all, Paul hasn't balanced his checking in like 20 years! He has no idea how much money he has in his account! He doesn't even read his statements! I tell him if he knew how much $$ he had, he could put the excess in savings & earn $ off the interest.

Somehow, I've become an expert at Paul's financial situation & not my own. Why are other people's challenges oftentimes easier to address than our own?

Is it due to the lack of the emotional component? I do feel a little better about myself since there is someone other than me who is even less involved in their own financial life, grin. Like they say, misery loves company, right?

Although, If I had a million dollars, I still wouldn't like doing this: paying bills or balancing accounts. I would hire someone to do it for me. Someone I could trust. They would have to pass a psychic evaluation first.

And of course, if I were wealthy, I would donate money to many causes. I do enjoy sharing my abundance with others, whether it is happiness, laughter, love, or money.

The only abundance I don't really share right now is the financial one, since it has yet to manifest itself into my material world. Well, I do try to tip generously & I believe in tithing as much as I can afford at the moment, even it it is pocket change. After all, it is the thought & goodwill that counts, not the actualy amount given, right?

So here's the catch: if I want to experience financial abundance, I have to believe I deserve it, I must believe that it does exist for me on the spiritual, astral & metaphysical planes so that I can attract it it to me & pull it through the ethers into my physical world. Energy follows intent & belief systems.

The Universe is the ocean of opportunities in which we fish for what we want. The bait is our purest beliefs & intentions. Our true desires become our fishing pole. Praying is the line than connects us to the Source of abundance, of all that IS. Case in point, recall the phrase: "Be careful what you wish for, it might come true."

OK, so I must believe that I am a wealthy woman with financial abundance, with the ability to share my wealth with the world, who can afford the finer luxeries in life & who has competent, trustworthy financial advisors to help me make the best monetary decisions.

And so I pray to dear Goddess Laxshmi, who specializes in abundance; to bless me with an abundance of health, happiness, creativity, spirituality, joy, laughter, loved ones, peace & finances.

Well, back to the accounts & bills. I've distracted myself long enough. I have several months of balancing to do, but a few less bills to pay. But it doesn't change the fact I have to get back to crunching numbers.

I'd much rather be crunching my abs than numbers.....

BombayJen

Playing with Gentle Giants

When I was a kid, I used to visit my big sister, Penelope, when she lived in Arlington, Virginia.

There were some kids in her neighborhood who I used to play with, especially three brothers named Walter, Crawford & Asa Palmer.

I was a tomboy at the time, loved sports, running, playing basketball, soccer, etc. I was faster & stronger than most guys my age.

The Crawford brothers were different. They were very, very tall, so they had height advantages over me & much longer arms!

Even in middle/high school, I recall that Walter (the oldest) was like 6'8 or 6'9 & Crawford (the 2nd eldest) was close behind. Asa, on the other hand (sitting next to me in the photo) was much younger, but also tall for his age. I think all the Palmer brothers are all either 6'9 or 7'0 now.

The Palmer brothers were fun to hang out with & were athletic, intelligent & creative. They were from a really nice family & their parents were very tall also. I remember visiting them at home & thinking that I was a midget amidst gentle giants.

I have so many happy memories of spending time with the Palmer brothers, I enjoyed going to Walter's attick bedroom & chatting - looking out at the world like I was in the crow's nest of a ship; helping Asa deliver newspapers in the wee hours of the morning; playing board games with Crawford, he loved Dungeons & Dragons, but it was all confusing for me.

Crawford also turned me onto The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. Well, he also turned me on! I remember the time he tried to kiss me in his bedroom! I was so surpised, I didn't know what to do!

I remember wanting to kiss him back, but was afraid his brothers or mother would pop into the room & I would get in trouble, thereby, risking my friendship with all three brothers. So I left - confused, excited, nervous & scared. Unfortunately, Crawford must have thought that I rejected him & our friendship was never quite the same.

Soon thereafter, Penelope moved to California, so I haven't seen the Palmer brothers since. I have thought of them from time to time over the years, recalling the happy & fun memories. I had heard several years ago that they were playing college basketball & doing very well.

I recently began thinking about my old childhood friends, especially when I went to see The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy!

I looked the Palmer brothers up online & lo & behold - it appears that they are still doing very well in their basketball endeavors! The brothers attended Ivy League colleges; it appears that Crawford even played in the 2000 Olympics & is now married & living in France. I think Walter is living in Germany, but I haven't been able to determine what Asa is doing.

I think it would be fun to re-connect with my old friends, the Gentle Giant Palmer Brothers.

I doubt I'd play hoops with them now, though!

BombayJen 

Hair Cut Blues

Well, I braved getting my hair cut on Thursday.

I asked for the same length, just for her to add some layers to give me more body & an updated look. Just trim the ends, nothing drastic, you know.

But what is it about hairstylists & getting scissor happy?!

Sure, I like my shorter hair overall, but it still seems shorter than I asked. This is usually the case.

I told her not to blow dry my hair towards my face & that's exactly what she did. Was it opposite day? Did I fail to communicate my desires effectively?

Why does having a hair cut have to be so traumatic?

And on top of that, I just realized yesterday that one side of my hair is about an inch shorter than the other!

So now I get to go back to the salon & have them "re-cut" my hair, grrrr!

Well, ok now, before I get my panties all in a bunch, let me try to put things into perspective...

I'ts only hair. It will grow back!

And then I think back to the two worst hair experiences that I know of.

A family member had her hair cut & colored at a fancy, upscale place in Los Angeles. I think the color was suppose to be blonde, but it came out PURPLE! No joke!

And because of the chemicals, they couldn't completely change the color for about a month!

Now this is great, because as a teen living in California, I used purple colored hair styling products on purpose. But I wasn't the VP of a major company, either!

Another friend of mine joked that it was so hot last summer that she was just going to shave her head. One day I visited her & her head was practically bald, buzzed everywhere less than 1 inch!

She told me that she had wanted to cut her hair with clippers & put the wrong attachment on, so it was much, much shorter than she had anticipated!

So, my hair isn't purple (but hey, I have actually seriously considered purple streaks!) & it isn't buzzed everywhere, so....

I guess there is no sense in having the blues. It's amazing how attached we get to things, even our hair.

Change is a good thing, most of the time!

BombayJen

Oh Great Spirit - Native American Prayer

This is a beautiful prayer that I would like to share with my blog readers by Chief Yellow Lark, of the Lakota Tribe.

I, too, am of Native American descent, although my understanding is that I am of the Tuscaroran tribe/clan. I haven't done much research on my geneology, but plan to in the future.

When I was a child, I thought all Indians were the same: Native American & South Asian Indians. Maybe it was just because I was attracted to both & I still am!

I hope this prayer inspires you as much as it did me!

Thank you, Chief Yellow Lark!

Mitakuye Oyasin, (all my relations; we are all related)

BombayJen
.......................................................................................................................................................................

Oh Great Spirit,

Whose voice I hear in the winds,

And whose breath gives life to all the world, hear me!

I am small and weak, I need your strength and wisdom.

Let me walk in beauty, and make my eyes ever behold the red and purple sunset.

Make my hands respect the things you have made and my ears sharp to hear your voice.

Make me wise so that I may understand the things you have taught my people.

Let me learn the lessons you have hidden in every leaf and rock.

I seek strength, not to be greater than my brother, but to fight my greatest enemy - myself.

Make me always ready to come to you with clean hands and straight eyes.

So when life fades, as the fading sunset my spirit may come to you without shame.

Chief Yellow Lark, Lakota Tribe

The NYC Museum of Sex!

I finally got a chance to go to the Museum of Sex while I was in NYC.

My side kick, Paul & I were trying to find a restaurant that we were suppose to meet a friend at, but were going in the wrong direction.

After we turned around, we both were thinking that there had to be a good reason we had gotten lost.

Then Paul says, "Hey, there's the Museum of Sex!"

So after our lunch at Udipi's, we headed off to the Museum of Sex. Our friend told us he had been wanting to go there for awhile, he was disappointed he had to go back to work.

As we approached the museum, I saw this big picture with a muscular guy in undies & asked Paul to take a pic.

But first I had to ask the two men talking in front of the display to move over so I could stand with "Mr. Underwear" for a photo shoot. They smiled & laughed & gladly moved over so they could watch the entertainment ensue.

I didn't exactly stop traffic with this pose or the subsequent ones, but needless to say, I got quite a few stares, giggles, etc. from the passersby.

The museum cost like $15.00 & you can take photos inside (but we honestly didn't want to.) I think the exhibits change on a regular basis, but somehow we must have attended the gay exhibit, because there were more photos of naked men than of women & a large feature section of gay sex.

Paul hurried me from one section to the next, standing a distance away from anything gay, anything, well, showing the nude male form.

"This is nature, this is art, why are you avoiding it?" I asked.

"I'm not gay & I'm not interested in this" Paul responded.

"Hey, I can see the beauty in the nude female form, it doesn't mean I am a lesbian, you know."

"Come over here & learn something from these men" I said to Paul.

He reluctantly shuffled over, his eyes glancing at the photos of lavish lingams for fractions of seconds between stares at the floor or ceiling.

He was really uncomfortable, I could tell! But I doubted it was anything to do with these men's sexual preferences, I thought it was more indicative of Paul's own sexual discomfort.

Next, we went upstairs to the movie room, where lo & behold, multiple "stag" films (the original name given to pornos, which began in the 1920's) were being shown.

Yes, it was a bit strange to be in a public place watching naked people going at it, with strangers walking by or stopping to view them with you.

I did get an anatomy education & I saw part of a film called "The Casting Couch" which was a spoof about a real life movie producer who would expect actresses to sleep with him.

At one point, I stopped in front of a gay flick & inadvertentaly blocked the small walkway to the next movie. As soon as Paul realized the film was of gay men, he asked me to move so he could pass by.

I giggled & said, "What's the password?"

"I'm straight" he responded.

Good answer, I couldn't torture him any longer, so we moved onto the next film. No, I don't have a gay fetish myself, but sometimes I like to learn what turns people on, why people are attracted to certain things, etc.

The museum was actually anti-climactic for both of us. Paul was bored most of the time. Probably the only man who would be bored by seeing naked women, pornos & sexual history, well maybe not.

I was getting bored, too.

The third room held contraptions & gizmos that you could strap on & ride, actual chairs with dildos, electric things that could be operated by someone watching from the internet.

Damn! When a friend of mine recently told me about automatic arse wipers in fancy oriental toilets, I was amazed. But concerned that if the electric gadget in the toilet went haywire, what would happen to your bum?

Thoughts of dildo chairs & vibrating penis robots gone wild haunted my thoughts.

"You know, the real thing is much better than anything they've designed here" I said to Paul as I encouraged him to touch the breasts of a real life sized silicon doll with humanistic respresentations & orifices.

"What is this world coming to?" I thought.

And then I recalled the time as a teenager that I had one of those body massagers that I used for yoni massages & the time that it exploded right between my legs during use.

Yes, this is the absolute truth! There were sparks flying out of the wall, out of the end of the massager. I vaugely recalled the instructions saying not to use it for an excessively long time...

This is why I no longer use battery operated or electrical equipment. I prefer the real mccoy, the polarity, energies, warmth, spirituality & sensuality of a real live human being; but when he isn't available, I refer to my sacred crystal lingam from Brazil.

Fortunately, I was safe & unscathed from my electrifying yoni massage. My hair didn't even stand on end from the electrical jolts!

Speaking of stimulation devices, the Museum of Sex also has a wide variety of toys, vibrators, books, lotions, potions, cards, etc.

All the gaming equipment you might need when you want to get your game on!!

BombayJen 

In The Countryside

It's another beautiful, crisp fall day in Western Pennsylvania.

I wish everyone could see the beauty that I do, it's everywhere!

The colors, the leaves, the textures, the hues, the patterns, the reds & golds & greens & blues!

They will only get bolder & brighter as the season progresses.

The sweet, crisp crunch of apples & leaves, the scent of spiced cider & seasoned leaves, the romantic chill in the air that makes you want to snuggle in front of a fire with nothing on but a smile....

Don't you wish you were in the countryside, with me?

BombayJen 

Meeting Shetal Shah

At the IAAC Film Festival press conference, my friend, Seema Singh-Zokarkar (Desi Match & Bharat Matrimony) motioned me & friend, Paul, over from across the room.

We walked over & she began to introduce us to Shetal Shah. The name rang a bell but the face didn't. This woman seemed familiar, but from where??

Aha! I was quickly clued in: Arya!

Wow! This was the overbearing, seductive Bitch in Arya?!

What a difference, I absolutely did not recognize her!

I told Shetal my observations & she said she was trying a new hairstyle.

But it was more than the hairstyle that made Shetal so different.

She is truly an amazing actress! She was nothing like the persona she portrayed in the movie.

When I mentioned this, she replied that it was just an act. But I contend that it was much more than that.

You see, when we act, usually our true essence is still revealed, or it is still obvious that we are actually acting in some way, shape or form.

Most people respond positively to actors not because of their acting skills alone, but because of their charismatic, magnetic, creative energies.

But somehow, Shetal Shah was combining her acting talents very strongly with her creative & spiritual energies, thereby enhancing & increasing her effect upon the audience.

Did we love Shetal in Arya because she was a bitch, or because she was a sexy goddess, or both?

Did I love her in person because she was so humble or beautiful or talented or charismatic or spiritual?

It was all of the above.

I simply loved meeting actress, poet & filmmaker, Shetal Shah!

BombayJen 

A Skunk on the Run

I just took my pooch, Loki, out to relieve himself before we go to bed...

But it was a quick trip outside because low & behold, there before my eyes was a skunk running in the back yard!

Recalling my previous run-ins with skunks & the caustic smells that lingered for what seemed like forever, singed my brain & suddenly memory recollected me & I picked up Loki & headed back inside to nasal safety.

Believe me, you do not want to tangle with a tango dancing skunk!

You really will need to get tomato juice in abundance & strip down in the shower & scrub yourself &/or your canine companions with the anti skunk venom!

Pure tomato juice is best, not concentrate, not V8, but the freshest squeezed juices!

Don't tangle with a skunk, or you'll end up on the run!

BombayJen

You're Famous!

"You're famous!" I heard from the other end of the phone.

"I'm what?" I thought & spoke at the same time.

It was a bit eerie. I had heard this twice within a week's time, from two different people.

Is this a message or a sign? Ha! Ha! Maybe it's just a joke!

"I read your article in Desi Match in San Francisco!" my friend told me as he was vacationing in San Fran.

"I told all my friends that I know you!"

"You're famous!"

I laughed. Wow. It's not a joke. I had no idea they had Desi Match newspapers in California. How funny!

"I'm famous???"

BombayJen

Left Out

Someone sent me some photos from a Halloween party they attended Friday night in NYC...

While I enjoyed the photos, I couldn't help but feel left out of the celebrations, after all, I LOVE getting dressed up in costumes & dancing - so I missed out on a double dose of excitement & fun... boo hoo!

Whenever there are casting calls for Khabhi Alvidaa Na Kehna & I cannot participate, I feel left out. Or when I am an extra on the set & I am not participating, I feel left out.

So, I've given this feeling some thought.. It's really not a matter of whether I'm partying with friends or on the set of a Bollywood film...

It's really about not doing something you wanted to. So, let me tackle this feeling so I can back to enjoying my life!

When we want to do something; participate in something; when we desire something - we begin to manifest something in our minds, hearts & souls (body-mind-spirt; mental, physical, emotional, astral, spiritual, etc.)

Since energy follows intent, we have begun to create reality; we are pulling from the ethers the very energy & intention that is the voice of our Souls singing to our creator.

But not every prayer is answered in the affirmative, sometimes there are even better plans for us, or more important lessons to be learned than from the experiences we've requested or partially manifested.

In this case, we would benefit from being open to possibilities, knowing & trusting that everything in our life is running smoothly, despite the illusions of chaos or dissapointment, rejection, depression, etc.

Did I really want to spend another day in NYC, going to a crowded party with loud music blaring so no one could talk or listen? Not really.

Did I really miss out on anything? Besides some dancing, laughing with friends, I really didn't miss out on anything except walking in cold weather, riding the subway, smelling putrid city air...

It wasn't about the party or my friends partying without me, it wasn't about being here or there, it was about the impression that I was lacking something that I wanted.

Despite the happy photos & smiles I saw in the pics, I know my friends were missing the very same things I, myself am yearning for: a deep, spiritual connection with like minded individuals having a creatively great time, laughing & dancing in an environment conducive to stimulating, scintillating conversation.

After giving this all much thought, I am no longer feeling left out. It feels great to be home, to work on my artwork, website, blogs. It feels great sleeping in bed while it rains outside, the vibrant leaves dropping like wet confetti. It is wonderful to spend time with my daughter & dog & not be rushing to & fro.

Geez, I just realized it is the other way around.

It's my NYC friends, not me, who are really left out (but what they don't know won't hurt them, will it?)

BombayJen

Horsing Around in Times Square

After attending NYCIL's anniversary party at the Tonic club, my friends & I took a walk to find an Indian restaurant so we could get some nice, hot masala chai.

On the way, we passed through Times Square.

"This is it?" I asked.

"Where's the square?"

Evidently, there is no square, or at least, I wasn't aware of one. Guess there must be another reason it is called, "Times Square." It just looked like a bunch of businesses, shops, & lots of huge advertisements to me.

The highlight of my walk through Times Square was a brief encounter with my favorite animal, a horse. Not just any horse, this was a palomino Belgian draft horse. What a handsome beauty!

I wish I had some carrots or apples, but all I had were my hands to caress him. My wishes for him were that he will see some green pastures & fresh air some day soon, that he won't be surrounded by New York City traffic & chaos for the rest of his life.

I was reminded of my own sweet Saddlebred mare, who is now old enough to be trained to pull a cart & be ridden. Yes, I missed her very much.

If I didn't have the flu right now & it wasn't raining, I'd go visit her, Mi Amber Flame.

I am looking forward to riding in a horse drawn carriage!

But another day for horsing around, I suppose!

BombayJen 

Stalking SRK, Abhishek & Rani - by Aseem Chhabra

Thought I'd share this article with you about an exciting night in NYC, Bollywood Star Gazing.

I'll just provide the link to it on www.rediff.com until/unless I get permission to copy & post here.

Enjoy!

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Here is my response to Aseem's article:

Aseem,

You definately have a flair with words & for creating a realistic environment!

Well, I don't know if we were really stalkers, per se, but the thrill of watching, waiting, hoping that someone (particularly ABII) would walk into the bar & sit down beside us was the motivating factor here.

It was well worth the hours of waiting, for just a few mere glimpses, wasn't it?!

Sorry Preston didn't get a Preity sighting! Maybe next time!

Salaam Namaste,

BombayJen

Hello & Happy Diwali to my Blog Readers!

I just wanted to take a few minutes to say "Hello" & "Happy Diwali" to my blog readers!

I would especially like to say hello to one of my most dedicated readers, who posts some really wonderful, encouraging messages, Harshi!

And of course, there is Adam Kadman, your presence is beautiful as well! Adam is related to the architect who designed the temple at the Datta Retreat Center!

The temple is truly a unique place, a vortex of healing, enlightening energies. Everyone should come to visit the temple, it welcomes all faiths & has representations of Buddha, Jesus, Mary, Native American paganism, Mata Jaya Laxshmi, Islam.. Sri Swamiji himself says that "music is my religion".

And who knows if the cast & crew & hot security of Khabhi Alvidaa Na Kehna are still reading, but if they are, I am sending warm Diwali wishes to you as well!

Blessings, Light & Love,

BombayJen

Fever

I've got a fever of 100.6, what's with this - every time I go to NYC, I get sick!

Now I really want NYC to escape from me & to take this nasty New York flu with her!

I won't go into boring details about the effects it's having on me, just suffice it to say that I have been taking clay, goldenseal & finally, Tylenol (as you guessed, I try to use natural, holistic remedies - but finally had to break down & take the acetominiphen.)

Goldenseal will kill viruses, so unlike the traditional docs who want us to suffer through them, there really is a way to combat them.

Clay has been used internally & externally for thousands of years, even Ghandi loved clay. It's actually one of the ingrediants in Kaopectate, so I've read.

I hope you are feeling well, I sure wouldn't wish this on anyone!

I am torn between ripping my clothes off & running around outside in the chilled October air, or jumping into a hot shower to warm up.

Fevers, grrrrrrr.

Well, maybe it is a cleansing process or it's burning up negative Karma, like Sri Swamiji does from time to time.

Burn baby, burn!

BombayJen

A Beautiful Day!

I have a friend who has one of my dig. video cam tapes, with me on it. I've asked for him to return it after a night of impromptu filming - don't get too excited here, it was a video of me eating Indian food.

When I first met my friend, he was struggling in many aspects in his life, now, he has made at least 35 commercials since meeting me (yes, I am patting myself on the back for being able to contribute to this man's transformation, although it is not yet complete.)

But when I feel good, it's because I have been able to have a positive effect on someone, maybe just a catalyst for them to light their own fires & connect with a higher vibration.

And when someone says "Thank you", I feel even better not because of the "credit" or compliment being paid to me, but because I opened myself up like a flower, I watched, I listened, I spoke & I contributed to being a part of this person's beautiful day.

Anyway, I got off track a bit. Oh well, so much for the organized blogs I've written of late. This is much more free form thought processes vs. organized paragraphs.

I listen to Kevin Wood again, it's been a long time since I was attracted to his music & even longer since I was attracted to him. Water under the bridge? Yes, I turn & look behind & in my minds eye, I see the water is flowing quickly, smooth, then ripply. His music still infuses me to rhythm, I am captured, enraptured with the smooth bow of violin, reverberating in my Soul, but it's Atman Music who reigns supreme.

I once had a colt named Superior Reign, so my thoughts turn to him at the mention of his name. A beautiful colt spotted in copper, Oh how I wish I would have kept him. I learned one day of his fate, he is suppose to be dead, though the people who bought him never informed me.

A colt named Superior Reign was the brother to my filly, Superior Debutante, who died at three weeks old, in my arms on the way to the equine hospital. The tears I shed, the sobs that shook me from head to toe, I remember her pain & felt her release. I know she is happy once again as she & Superior Reign tell me to continue to write as they dance on clouds of white.

It is through these very words that I heal those painful memories & the pleasant experiences blanket me in a cloak of love. Oh pyar hai, what can I say? Kevin Wood still plays me like a bow, oh will he ever know of the power of his music?

It's a beautiful fall day, leaves changing into a kaliedesope of colors, exploding everywhere, like fireworks on a crisp, clear autumn day! I bet they don't have this in India. I wonder if I will like all of it or if I will miss some/all/most of the U.S. - Just food for thought.

Amber, Paul, Loki & I are off to the park to take pictures of the beauty that dances there, that dances everywhere we look, before the wind shakes the leaves from the trees & leaves us with naked trees, standing stark & grey against the sky until Spring's sweet melodies awaken them with her sunlit kiss.

I think I will take my video camera to the park, damn, I'm out of blank tapes. I sure wish my friend would send me my tape so I can use the remaining tape.

(If you are reading this, you know who you are, my sweet friend, please send!:)

Have a beautiful day!

BombayJen 

The Inner & Outer World of Shah Rukh Khan

Watched part of The I/O World of SRK...

Very interesting so far, gives a totally different perspective of what it is like to be Shah Rukh - "King Khan" - a very humble man who is very philosophical, a very deep thinker, understood by few & loved by many (millions.)

My trusty Bollywood loving friend, Paul, said that SRK reminded him of John Lennon because he came across as very introspective.

Also recognized some familiar faces in the movie - low & behold the handsome "Ben Affleck" & "Val Kilmer" look-a-like celebrity security team were on hand! What a small world! ha! ha! ha!

They must be a very proficient security team to be working for SRK & other famous personalities on a reoccurring basis. (Yes, this is a pat on the back because I know you two are "doing your homework".)

Anyway, Paul & I enjoyed part of the movie, we'll have to finish all of it soon.

In the meantime, I am tickled pink that I recognized some faces in the Inner & Outer World of Shah Rukh Khan & that I was able to shake the hand of "King Khan"!

BombayJen