The Woman You Want

I cannot be
The woman you want
I don’t have a domestic gene
I don’t like to cook or clean
Or do someone else’s laundry
I’ve done it for too long
For my partners & children
I’ve been a slave to marriage
I’ve been a maid for the wealthy
I love a clean, organized home
But I honestly hate to clean!
I just want to wave a magic wand
And have everything clean itself
In the blink of an eye,
And until I get that magic wand,
I would love for someone to
Clean & and do laundry for me!
I love healthy, tasty cuisine
But I honestly don’t like cooking
It is so scientific to me
Some women have
A cooking gene
In their DNA,
But not me!
I can cook only a few things
But most of the time
I’d rather eat something
Quick & easy
Just to end my hunger pains
So I don’t have to read a recipe
Or spend hours in the kitchen
Preparing food, then cleaning
I cannot be
The woman you want
I am already a parent
I never felt prepared
To have kids, & yet,
I’ve raised a daughter,
Two step sons,
Three foster children,
And a foreign exchange student
From Russia
Honestly, I’ve raised
Enough young ones
I love children,
But they are so much
Responsibility
Kids are more than
A joy or a job
But take a lifetime
Of commitment
Children always need their parents,
No matter how old they are
Now I am at a stage
Where the ‘kids’ are at an age
Where I can focus more on myself
My interests, talents & spirituality
All the things that were neglected
While I was dedicated
To raising young children
I cannot be
The woman you want
I don’t have the desire
Or need to get married
I was married twice
And I’ve learned a lot
From both marriages
But a ceremony, certificate
Or change of name
Do not create relationships
Or make them successful
Or make them last
I cannot promise to love
Honor & cherish someone
If that is not the way I feel
Promises of forever
Are rarely ever real
I would rather love
Unconditionally
Than to make promises
I might not be able
To fulfill or keep
I cannot be
The woman you want
I don’t know if I would move
To another state or country
I love to explore & travel
But I’ll be honest,
Sometimes the unknown
Worries & concerns me
Even while adventure
Beckons me
I’d love to travel,
And see the world
While I’m still young enough
But maybe I’m getting set
In my ways as I age
Do I really need
Stability if it keeps me
From expanding
Emotionally & creatively?
I know there’s no need
For me to be afraid
I don’t have to think about
The future or where I live
As long as I trust
That I am being guided
To where I’m meant to be
I cannot be
The woman you want
I’m not as strong
Or as intelligent
Or as beautiful
As you think me to be
I can take a long time
To make a decision
And then I’ll change
It like a breeze
And then you may think
I’m driving you crazy
But then I’ll make you
Go weak in the knees
And then you will know
What it means to be love crazy
And you will beg me
To drive you crazy
For eternity
I cannot be
The woman you want
I may look like a social butterfly
But I’m really not
I actually prefer staying home
It takes so much time
Getting ready to go out
And I can never figure out
What to wear, I worry
The fashion police
Will arrest me!
But fashion comes cheap
At Goodwill & the Salvation Army!
So if I go out, it has to be
Something very interesting
I don’t like idle chit chat
Or talking to someone
Who bores me to tears
I don’t like clubs
That are loud & smoky
I do like to dance
So that’s one thing
I enjoy doing out on the town
But I’d much rather
Make love to you, my dear
In the woods or by the sea
Close to nature
In the middle of the night
Serenaded by a gentle breeze
Blowing through the trees
As the moon watches over you & me
And we howl at the moon in delight!
I cannot be
The woman you want
Please don’t expect me
To entertain you
24 hours a day
I’m not afraid to be alone
I enjoy my freedom
And solitude
I need my time & space
So I may nurture my creativity
So I can write poetry
Paint & sing
I may not want or need you
As much as you do me
I am often lonely
Even when people
Surround me
Because they do not
Understand or relate to me
But then, on the other hand,
I may wake you
In the middle of the night
Because the moon is so
Beautiful & I want to share it
With you during midnight delight
I may be irresponsible
And drop everyone
And everything I am doing
Just to be with you
In the blink of an eye
Even if it means I have to fly
To be by your side
When my heart yearns
Or speaks to me,
I must pay attention
I want to experience the
Love that is meant for me
I’ve waited too many years
To ruin a beautiful
Friendship or relationship
Because of my fears
I am trying to live in the moment
Enjoying the journey
Drinking the Soma of your Soul
Looking forward to every contact
Each & every word is burned
Into my consciousness
While I become restless of waiting
To meet you
Excited yet afraid, too
That you will think me to be
Less than than your fantasy of me
That my pictures are better
Than my physical reality
So, please be gentle with me
My heart bruises easily
I don’t want to waste your time
If I’m not the woman you want
Can’t you see,

I will never lose my identity
I cannot be
The woman you want
I can only be

The woman I am